


Uncle Erik, the Blue Alien Dude and the Captain of the Enterprise

by Weaselwoman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, AU Highschool, Exchange Student, Ligers, Other, Star Trek References, Surrogacy, Teenage Pregnancy, Zamboni, gender indeterminacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weaselwoman/pseuds/Weaselwoman
Summary: Thor wants to be Captain Kirk. His family hosts a Blue Alien Dude while he is in high school.
Relationships: Odin/Frigga, Thor/Loki
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	Uncle Erik, the Blue Alien Dude and the Captain of the Enterprise

From the spaceport to the airport; from the airport to the municipal bus; to the bus terminal. Where his new family was already waiting, with a sign with his name written in exotic characters. Loki, their new exchange student. Who was blue, presented male, and was already pregnant.

…

Uncle Erik had arranged the hosting. Erik Selvig was a cosmographer, with friends on many worlds. Cold Jotunheim had just opened up for cultural exchange. The Borsons were ambitious for their son, Thor, who wanted to go to space; surely this cultural exposure would be helpful. It had already granted Thor admission to the local Elon Academy, where children of the rich, the connected, the famous and the exotic mingled. (The Borsons were none of these, but Frigga Borson neé Selvig was weaving the strings that her brother pulled into bootstraps onto which Thor might lift himself, socially.)

…

Thor’s buddy Fandral: “So you’re hosting Blue Alien Dude. I bet you were hoping for some Hot Alien Babe, Captain Kirk.”

…

“So why are you going to Elon?” Loki asked. He was trying his first ice-cream, his tongue purple against the vanilla.

“I want to be a starship captain,” said Thor. “’To seek out new life, and new civilizations…’ It’s from an old television show.”

“Television?”

“An early multisensory medium.”

“But we all come here. You don’t need to go anywhere.”

“ _Here_ is a special place. It’s an artificial environment. Everyone at school is on their best behavior. I want to go to the places where people like you live, and even people we haven’t met yet. I want to see their worlds.”

“But you could do that as a tourist! Why enlist? What if you never become a captain?”

“I want my own starship! I plan to represent the best of Earth.”

…

Uncle Erik cautions that Loki’s stay on Earth is a bit of an experiment. That Jotunheim may not be as kind to him as the Borsons are.

…

Classes at Elon Academy are sometimes specialized, and sometimes compulsory and embarrassing. One of the latter is Sex Education (Parts 1 and 2). Part 1 is all earth species techniques. Part 2 is various aliens talking about topics of interest to them. Loki gives a talk on delayed implantation. A rabbitty girl named Ajn gives a talk on superfetation.

…

Thor asks Uncle Erik’s help and they arrange Loki’s birthday present: a perfect environment (a visit to the ice cave in a local mountain, conveniently tourist-free), perfect food (smuggled from Jotunheim), …and Thor. And cuddles. And experimental cross-species kisses. And thus sex.

…

One morning, Loki’s bedsheets were spotted with blood.

A few days later, Fandral called out to Thor after gym class. “Your girlfriend is throwing up in the men’s room. And I’ve _never_ seen colors like that.”

Thor dashed into the room, found Loki finishing up in a stall. “Are you okay?”

“I think I got too hot. Not enough salt or something.”

Thor risked a look into the toilet bowl, then flushed it again. “Loki, what have you been eating?”

Loki was rinsing his mouth out at a nearby sink, gave him a mirror-image sickly smile. “Your mom’s modelling clay? It felt right when I ate it… I’ve read about this. Thor, it’s possible my own eggs are starting to mature. Maybe we’d better quit doing some things.”

“Some things?”

“Maybe wear a condom? I don’t know. I don’t want you to get some weird alien sex disease, or something.”

…

Loki blossoms. Fandral of course notices, elbows Thor. “I take it back. You didn’t just get Blue Alien Dude, you got Hot Blue Alien Dude. Does Captain Kirk swing that way?”

Sif, at the same lunch table, says “Well, if you buy into fanfic…”

“So? Are you a Mary Sue, then? You’re not Uhura.”

“Maybe I’m Tasha Yar, with better life choices. I try to learn from other people’s mistakes.”

…

Fellow-student Czen gives a talk about ligers, who do not inherit fetal growth inhibition from their mothers (tigresses) or their fathers (lions), with sometimes catastrophic results. The risks of human/alien hybridization may be similar, she suggests. Loki’s eyes stay dramatically open.

…

Loki gets his check-up from the Jotun consulate before he leaves for summer vacation back home. He tells Thor he is pregnant, although Loki doesn’t show that much.

“I thought you couldn’t get pregnant!”

“Thor, I already was pregnant. Delayed implantation, remember? The eggs just didn’t implant at first.”

“Oh. What does it take to implant eggs?”

Loki was looking at his feet, miserable. Softly said, “The right conditions. The right food.” Raised his face, blushing furiously. “The right stimulation.”

The right stimulation. Oh. They’d been going at it whenever possible, since Loki’s birthday and until the technicolor yawn episode… Then Thor realized the rest of what Loki had said.

“Wait, _they_? Plural eggs?”

Loki in science mode, hearkening back to his presentation. “The doctors usually emplace a traveler with two eggs, one as a failsafe in case something happens to dislodge the other. My father emplaced two.”

“Your father?”

“His own eggs. It was an honor. Mine weren’t ripe yet.”

…

What does the Captain of the Enterprise do, once his pregnant lover has been taken away? He tells his mother, of course; and Frigga called a family council—just Thor, Frigga, and Odin. For now.

“Did that boy seduce you?” is what Odin wanted to know.

“No,” said Thor. “I think I seduced him. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I thought he couldn’t get pregnant.”

“Sex education is supposed to prevent this sort of thing, not teach you how to fuck aliens productively!”

“Odin,” Frigga warned, a hand on his arm. Turned to Thor. “I assume what’s done is done.”

“The Jotun doctors had to tell him! Loki didn’t know.”

“Then he is in his nation’s care, for now. Thor, in case they let him return to school—do you want him back? Do you want him back here with us?”

“Yes,” said Thor.

“Of course,” muttered Odin.

“Husband,” said Frigga, “can you think of a better home for Loki? We have a few months to think and prepare.”

“Ask your brother and your sister,” Odin said. “And you, boy, think about your career. Do you want to burn it to ashes it before it’s even started? This sort of thing has a very bad effect on reputations, you know.”

“Yes, sir.”

…

Uncle Erik heard about it from his Jotun contacts. “Thor, it’s not your fault. We are still learning about Jotun culture and biology, after all; and the eggs were already fertilized, so it’s not as if you fathered any. We’ll let SHIELD know, and they can work out how to tell the public.”

But Fandral was a SHIELD brat, and heard things at the dinner table. As enough news became public over the summer, scrubbed and sanitized and name-free as it was, he could put two and two together. (He has a future in military intelligence.) “So Hot Blue Alien Dude was really Hot Blue Alien Babe? Captain Kirk, you did luck out.”

…

Loki comes back obviously pregnant.

Thor: Is there more than one baby?

Loki: They wouldn’t tell me how many. But some of them are hybrids.

Thor: _Some_ of them?

Loki: Yours, I think.

Thor: I don’t want to start a family! I want to be a starship captain, like Captain Kirk!

Loki: And I don’t wish to die giving birth to ligers.

Thor: You mean human/alien hybrids.

Loki: No, I mean Jotun/alien hybrids.

“Shit, said Thor.

“Welcome back, Loki,” said Frigga as they walked into the house. “Welcome home. I’ll make you some tea while you unpack, then I think we should talk.”

The three of them sat around the kitchen table, Frigga and Loki sipping tea, Thor listening and jittering over his cup of coffee.

“Did your people arrange for prenatal care? Give you vitamins to take?”

“They gave me supplements,” Loki said. “But they won’t provide a doctor here. I have to prove I can survive on this world.”

“I’ll call my sister, then. Eyra is a doctor at Planet Parenthood. She should be able to help.”

“Um, thank you?” He tried to stand up, then sat dizzily back down.

“Slowly. Take things slowly. How many children are you carrying?”

“I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me. I’m tired now; may I go?”

“Yes, of course.”

They’d widened his bed while he was gone. Loki just wanted to cry.

…

Uncle Erik had come through with an appropriate information release for the school. _Visiting student Loki is participating in several tests with regard to Earth/Jotunheim compatibilities. Some of these tests will create obvious somatic changes. Please be mature, O students, and know that these changes are normal, temporary, and cause for neither concern nor bullying._

…

Thor: Couldn’t you have, er, thinned them out? Aborted some?

Loki: The elders wouldn’t allow it. This is an experimental program, after all. Perhaps I’m to be a cautionary tale.

…

Dr. Eyra Selvig spoke into her recorder. “First examination, Loki Borson. Age: 15 standard. Sex: M/F/Other, presents male. Height:… Weight:…” The numbers droned on. In the morning, he’d provided pee and several vials of purplish blood for their tests; then Frigga had taken him to lunch where she persuaded him to drink a lake of electrolytic water. (Shouldn’t the pee collection come after that?) Then he had exchanged his clothing for a soft warm gown, short and open to the back; now he waited sitting on a high table, his back supported by pillows, his spirits supported by the presence of Frigga in the room’s second chair. ( _I’m your mother now, Loki_ , she’d told him; _remember that_.)

Eyra, immersed in her task, could be as talkative as Erik. “Try to lay on your back. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but just for a little while. I’ll be looking inside you with special rays. No, it won’t hurt anything. First a warm cream here, all right? Can you feel this? Oh, you can hear it, like a little hum? Yes, the special rays are singing to you.”

She adjusted the monitor. “Look, Frigga; there. Loki, I’ll show you a recording when we’re done; for now, don’t move, okay?” Some hums on Eyra’s part, some tickling and pressing down on an uncomfortably full bladder, then a cool alcohol cloth wiping away the cream. “We’re done here; you can get dressed now.”

…

A blessed trip to the toilet later:

“Well?” That from Frigga, taking command.

“Well,” said Eyra, “I counted four. There are two larger ones taking up the prime real estate in the middle, and two smaller ones along the sides. Four placentas. You said you were implanted with your father’s eggs?” That to Loki.

“Not implanted. Just carrying them.”

“Well, they fit themselves in just fine, no rejection: do you know who fertilized them?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not a concern, for now, but I’d like to make sure there’s no risks in their medical history. The smaller two – that was you and Thor?”

Loki blushed, dammit.

“Hey, it’s all right. We’ll take care of you, anything you want.”

“I have to keep them,” Loki said. “It’s a condition on my stay here.”

“But do you want them? Four babies will be a big responsibility.”

“I’ll think of something.”

“Loki,” started Frigga, and he turned on her. “I will!”

But Frigga just smiled. “Hormones. We’ll talk later.”

…

Loki: “Captain Kirk doesn’t want a family!”

Frigga: “Well Captain Thor already _has_ a family: us.”

Frigga’s plan:

“The first thing is, we live in a small community. There’ll be no hiding what’s going on here.”

“The second thing is, the babies will likely be blue. No hiding that they’ll not be completely human.”

“But the third thing is, we _are_ a small community. We look after our own, even half-alien babies.”

“And the fourth thing is: I’ve always wanted daughters.”

“In the old days, sometimes a family’s daughter’s accidental child would be adopted by the _materfamilias_ and raised as hers, with only genetic testing to tell otherwise. You are acting as surrogate for two of your father’s children, so you can keep them or return them to Jotunheim, whatever you work out with your government. Erik can help. But your two ‘ligers’ can be mine, if you want them to be. Odin and I provide an established family for them, and you two boys can go on with your careers. How would that be?”

…

More lunch-time discussions at school:

Loki: Didn’t Captain Kirk sleep with alien women?

Thor: Many of them.

Loki: Well, what happened? Were there babies?

Thor: Uh, just one, I think. And his mother was human.

Loki: So there were no hybrids in Star Trek?

Thor: One I can think of. Spock. His mother was human, his father Vulcan.

Fandral stopped by the lunch table. “Don’t forget, Kirk’s baby-mammas had a habit of dying off conveniently.”

Loki looked green. Thor put his hand over Loki’s. “You have a doctor visit this afternoon, right?”

“Eyra doesn’t tell me much, most of the time. Your mom is the nice one.”

…

The ligers are growing faster than the surrogates. Loki’s belly is wider than it is tall.

“Will they eat your dad’s kids?”

“Eyra won’t let them.”

…

“You look unhappy. Let’s get out of here.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Someplace cool.”

“The last time I went with you to someplace cool…” Loki’s hand sweeping over his belly.

“I know, I know, but … you’ll like this, I think.”

…

“An ice-skating rink? I can barely walk!”

“I got you a carriage. Let me pull it around.”

Maybe it was Uncle Erik’s discrete influence, but there was no one else on the rink at this late hour.

Thor twiddled at the controls. “Sit here.”

“This carriage,” Loki said suspiciously, “does it have a name?”

“It’s a Zamboni. It shaves the ice surface and re-freezes it. Usually between hockey periods.”

“Oh, hockies have periods? Are they virgins?”

“Umm…? No? Hockey is a game. The teams skate on the ice. We can watch it sometime.”

Loki sat back propped up by his arms, legs wide before him on the cool surface of the machine. Thor said, “I’ll try to drive fast enough to keep you comfortable.”

Looking up past the lights in the arena ceiling, as Thor waltzed the Zamboni around and around: “I was thinking,” Loki said. “Our ligers. Our daughters. They can belong to your parents for now, but someday, when our futures are more stable…maybe they could be ours, too. One could intern with you for a year, and the other with me; then we could trade off. Or they could spend time together without us, or maybe with us, and we could spend time together, even without them. There are lots of possibilities.” A pause. “That’s what I want.”

“I’d like that, too,” Thor said. “It sounds like it would work out.”

“I hope so.”

When they left the rink, Thor tapped his water bottle across the broad nose of the Zamboni. He said, “I christen thee ‘ _Starship Enterprise_ ’.”

…

Wanna be the captain of the Enterprise  
Wanna be the king of the Jotuns  
Let's meet and have a baby now!

(after the B-52’s, _Song for a Future Generation_ )

…

Coda (On the Zamboni _Starship_ _Enterprise_ ):

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you put your eggs in any of your children? For protection?”

“Never,” Loki said. Then: “Thor?”

“Yes?”

“Would you name any of the children Tiberius?”

“Nothing could compel me to do so.”

“Even as a middle name?”

“I can’t promise that,” Thor said; and Loki leaned back to elbow him. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding!”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a bit of an homage to James Tiptree Jr.’s “Filomena & Greg & Rikki-Tikki & Barlow & the Alien.” (James Tiptree Jr., of course, was a pseudonym of Alice Sheldon.) The first version of this plot, as sung in many folksongs, may be most famous from Theodore Dreiser’s An American Tragedy. I couldn’t do that to the boys. The next version is from Rodgers’ and Hammerstein’s play Carousel. I couldn’t do that either. And the third was from Bruce Springsteen’s The River; and there things sat until the Goddess of Motherhood intervened. Thanks, Frigga!  
> (…and of course, Chris Hemsworth played James Tiberius Kirk’s dad in J.J. Abram’s Star Trek remake. So about that middle name…)


End file.
